We hate you

Recruitment page

UE are continuously on the lookout for players lacking moral fibre to add to the team's ranks. No nonces though. Or Portuguese.

We have an equal opportunity recruitment process whereby all players are equal but some are more equal than others. The process is by no means easy, maybe appearing quite daunting to some. It is designed specifically this way to ensure that only players with the required attributes have a chance of achieving team membership.

Incumbent players must offer a low level of commitment, playing ability, and fitness to be considered the team. For those gifted and well trained individuals the process will present minimal problem. Applicants will be expected to swear in 6 languages, be oblivious to all game tactics (and rules), as well as playing consistently hung over - as a bare minimum.

Occasionally suitably talented players will be identified by the team as appropriate for direct invitation, which can involve bypassing the normal selection process at the team's discretion. Usually if you can beat a current player in a no rules fist fight, you have already passed round one. Other successful applicants have offered services such as spouse assassination and fake MOTs.

Section 3 of the Team Constitution covers, in detail, the application and selection process, together with the expectations and responsibilities of applicants and members. It is recommended that anyone that wishes to consider application for team membership should fully familiarise themselves with the Team Constitution. This can be found here: Click here!.

Our recruitment process consists of a two stage process, applicant then Member Selection.

In order to be considered for entry to the application process a player must first demonstrate their desire to be involved in the UK Scenario scene and attend UK Scenario events. At these events you must acquit yourself in the manner accustomed to being a UE player, for example: begin drunk, constantly cheat and generally ruin everyone's day.

The applicant Process is detailed in Section 3.2.1 of the Team Constitution and requires, in summary, a player to:-

  1. Be an in-active member of the UK Scenario community, specifically including poor and late attendance to related events. Not really caring about game outcomes as long as you have a good time is a must.
  2. Have got into a fight with the Team, at a minimum of THREE UK events within a 6 month period. Winning or losing does not matter as long as it's brutal and bloody (Menstrual blood does not count as drawn).
  3. Earn the support of ONE Team Member as a Proposer and a further FOUR Team Members in support of an official sectioning to a Psychiatric ward.
  4. Complete the Kessel run in less than twelve parsecs.

This is the first stage of the process and requires a potential applicant to demonstrate their desire to not attend events, not play with the team and not get along with the Team Members.

Once a player has made it in to the second round they will have certain privileges, similar to a Team Member, as detailed in Section 3.2.2 of the Team Constitution. This can be found here: Click here. Come on... click it you retard!. They will be expected to further demonstrate their suitability for full membership before going through the Selection process. The team's expectations of an applicant are detailed in Section 3.2.3 of the Team Constitution and are, in summary:-

  1. To integrate into the team by playing with yourself in public.
  2. Maintain poor communication via the Team Forum to indicate proposed event attendance, paint/pyro orders, and accommodation requirements.
  3. Make at least one member of the UkScenario forums cry in real life. Photos are required. Preferably audio recordings too.
  4. Make bookings at bad hotels miles from the events; infested or condemned buildings are preferred.
  5. Simply walk into Mordor.
  6. Acquit their financial commitments in an un-reliable and non-timely manner, in relation to any bookings for tickets, accommodation, paint/pyro, other purchases and team subscription payments.
  7. Be banned from at least one hotel during an event.
  8. Otherwise generally behave to the same expected standards as a Full Member, as detailed in Section 3.3 of the Team Constitution.

The Selection process can be entered into after certain criteria have been met, as per Section 3.2.4 of the Team Constitution. This can be found here: Click here. Serious. Is this your first day on the internet or something?. This process will ultimately involve a vote by all Members with the applicant being required to obtain a 75% positive result of all votes cast, even there are 100% absentions.

The result of individual Members votes will depend on many factors, including each Members opinion on the applicants demonstration of their own character, ability, responsibility, attendance and reliability as well as considerations such as current team size and manageability. I am well good at english, me.

For those that have the commitment to complete the process, the reward is the chance of becoming a generic member of one of the UK's scenario paintball teams.

Simply walk in