Meet the team : GPL Oslo

GPL Oslo : Radicalised One-handed Botanists

GPL Oslo are Norway's finest warriors... But that's not saying much anymore, as Norway is mainly a country of skiers and milk drinking. Aside from them being Europe's leading osteoporosis club and autistic police drama generators, Norway have birthed our favourite bearded Scandinavians. This is the true Viking legacy of 300 years of brutal history: chubby paintballers and Scandi-dramas.

GPL Oslo are famous for many reasons: they remain the undefeated Knitting Regional Champions for Østlandet, winning prizes for their throwing, picking and yarn wrap techniques in particular. Like all Norwegians, they have a huge collection of gaudy knitwear that would make your grandmother blush. Their knitwear is world leading... if the world was trying to look like a bad Christmas jumper competition.

Patterns your gran can only dream of

GPL Oslo are actually EcoWarriors from the protected Fjords. Greta and other Scandinavians have pushed the eco agenda to the masses, but GPL have become the change they want to see in the world. Admittedly, this is mainly a change in waistline.

Originally cross country skiers, they were employed as instructors but became radicalised after the local jötunn were hunted to near extinction, and while they could not do enough, most of the smaller trolls such as þurs have been given permanent accommodation in Norwegian trouser legs. With their pantie occupying brethren, GPL began to explore the Artic and Polar regions to help with nature.

Is that a þurs in your pocket, or just your insulin pump?

However, since COVID they have mainly been polar explorers that explore their own poles.

These one-handed eco-warriors have located several vitally important strains of flower that have been flourishing in the North; these horticultural delights need to be preserved for future generations. With the lack of light in the Northern UK, this new collection of flower species has found a way to feed itself using cholesterol and depression... all of which are abundant in the north. With the North's short life spans and lack of schools, local scientists have been unable to dedicate enough time to study them.

GPL Oslo are on the way to North Versus South as team South's Polar Botanist division. They will scour team North's resources and capture them, ultimately taking man and flora to be stored at Svalbard's Doomsday vault; a place so cold that even Northerners would stop pretending and wear a jacket.

GPL and Team South will be pushing the boundaries of science. The vikings are coming, and Team North will be placed in a cholesterol storage unit, after a short trip in a long-boat.

GPL Oslo