Meet the team SPECIAL: UBG representative Lazarus

Lazarus UBG - Über-Spionagemeister

Team South continue their covert special forces approach to paintball and are collaborating with the EU for maximum intelligence coverage.

UBG are sending their top spy, Skyhawks Über-spionagemeister Lazarus. He will be using the cover story of being a representative for Germany's United Big Game. Only Team South know the true extent to his special forces activities.

Some say he was the fifth gunman at the grassy knoll. Lazarus successfully assinated the third and fourth gunmen. However, due to an all too familiar admin error the first and second gunman were not taken out. It turns out that Special Agent codename: "Park Man" was compromised in the line of duty. A classic "honey trap" was employed by Lee Harvey Oswald, as the local butcher had a 2-4-1 offer on black pudding, distracting him for long enough to take the shot.

In the 90s he was undercover as a codebreaker and blackjack spy hustler for Germany's Federal Intelligence Service (BDN). In between bankrupting many international bad-guys, he studied in advanced mathematics and researched for Munich Universtiy. In number theory, Fermat's Last Theorem states that no three positive integers a, b, and c satisfy the equation an + bn = cn for any integer value of n greater than 2. Proofs for n = 1 and n = 2 were known for years, yet Lazarus managed to prove this 300 year old mathematical conundrum in between railing Bond villain's girlfriends. "Für Deutschland, mein Liebling..."

Some say he single-handedly sank the Russian Warship "Moskva" in the Black Sea. Team South's general Paul Edwards snuck him on disguised as a life jacket. After quickly infiltrating the ship, he sank it using only jar of Marmite, three safety pins and a bottle of WKD blue. They both escaped dressed as mermaids and swam back through the Black Sea, stopping for Tea and Tiffin at Istanbul and then briefly for an undercover stopover dressed as a some spermicidal lubricant at Manumission, Ibiza.

Genius : Panty Buster and Theorum Buster

Some say that he has extracted over 35 defecting Russian military over the last year. These military assets included generals, senior officers and major intelligence assets. This has allowed Zelensky's Ukrainian operations to anticipate and overcome Russian incursions in Ukraine. Lazarus set up Премиум Пропустить Прокат (Premium Skip Hire) and parked skips filled with cushions and a trapdoor outside every Russian General's window. So far, over 35 "definitely suicides" have been prevented and the foreign assets secured. In order to distract Police and any lurking FSB, whoopie cushions have been used. These were also filled with stinkbombs to ensure that there was an "eggy pedestrian denial zone" while they escaped. More genius from the Über-spionagemeister.

Some say he has worked on a secret formula for decades for combat use. Contained inside a complementary offering of Warsteiner, bratwurst and sauerkraut, these chemicals can be combined in a number of ways. When consumed in the positive form, the imbiber will gain stamina, sexual prowess, speed and agility. Some even say they will gain preternatural abilities and super human traits. When consumed in the wrong order, the victim becomes slow, dull witted and lethargic. They often exhibit symptoms of cardiac distress, erectile dysfunction, and have dribbly disappointing cocks. Lazarus will be plying all at NvS with these gifts... but only Team South know the correct way to consume them.

However, this is expected to have limited effects, as most of Team North already suffer the negative side effects.

Team South welcomes the Über-spionagemeister

Lazarus UBG