Paintugal Writeup

Paintugal 2016 Event Writeup

Event info:

Date 24th - 25th September 2016
Venue Santa Clara, Coimbra, Portugal
Players Corky, Hammertime, Jacko, MrP, Rocket, Ricktion
Hangers on Hostile Intentions (4), LimaBravo(2), Warped(4)
Result Victory, Partial victory and Victory


It's now our 5th Year of attending Paintugal. Now a permanent fixture to the international calendar, this game has the longest planning involved, with flights booked in February, ferries booked and bags packed well in advance. Ricktion set off a few days before with a 1600 mile journey in the team van, while the rest of us flew to Lisbon direct.

Tough driving condtions meant lots of bar-breaks

We were met at the airport by Ricktion in the van that now looked like it was ready for a wash and tune up, but we had no other transportation lined up so we took our lives in our hands on got on-board the UE vegan bus!

On the way to Coimbra we had a pit stop at Fatima for a drink in an old people's home! For those who can remember - a few years ago we played paintball in Fatima and the hotel we stayed in was legendary. Unfortunately we partied so hard with the locals they all aged prematurely and now the entire town is over 65 years old.

Friday night

We finally arrived at our villa/guest house early evening to find most of the other teams already there and already drinking; however it was an easy catch up as Lima Bravo cannot drink that fast.

After a fair bit of banter and admin (drinking) we took some cabs into town to eat a traditional Portuguese dinner. This looked a lot like an American dinner, however had the advantage of no annoying Americans.... well, at least until Hostile Intentions turned up. After a bit of food and beer we moved on the main night spot recommended by our Portuguese's host which was bar full of men with rainbow flags everywhere.

International greetings

I'm not sure what vibe they were going for but it certainly felt liberal! As usual, the beer was cheap.

On a side note at this point Warped crew Jim and Matt FM got lost and had a Spinal Tap night trying to find their way back to the hotel. Jim made his way back first, with Matt ending up begin brought home by the police like a school boy who had lost his mummy!

Saturday Day

Saturday's paintball started promptly for the portuguese, which in English translates to 'well into the afternoon'. This is always a good thing; the temperature had dropped and hangovers were fading.

The event area was a well thought out semi-urban, semi-woodland site. It was located over steep hills, with the terrain varying between some buildings and tight roads through to more open fields and paths. The hills gave stunning views over the local town, and it was lovely to be there.


The game itself was quite a complicated game of keys and locks, made of a Portugal team Vs Rest of the world. As usual with this event we collaborated well with the other teams, won, and then got smug about it.

Saturday night

Paintugal has now a well-established tradition of only getting 2 out of 3 things right at any given event:

  1. Paintball Game
  2. Accommodation
  3. Players Party

This year the paintball was good, and the accommodation was OK... Things didn't bode well for the evening. Something had to go wrong with the party, however we were hugely encouraged by the fact that is was being held in a brewery.

This was probably done as the last few years we have always drunk the bar dry, with many a panicking bar manager desparately ringing suppliers to restock. This year we hoped for a 3 out of 3.

However, the Portuguese had committed the ultimate faliure. They failed to organise a piss-up in a brewery.

The first signs things were going wrong where when Universal Exports were cut off at the bar for exceeding the house limit of €60. We promptly paid it, while ordering another €40 of beer to some raised eyebrows and concerned looks. This was all happened well before 10pm.

To their credit, the venue did not run out of beer. However they did run out of patience with us when it looked like we were having fun. The now familiar sight of 'not-as-drunk-as-they'd-like' paintballers being asked to leave in Portugal occurred, and the night out was finished early!

On a good note, during the day we had handed out our tour t-shirts to players at the game. A good number of them came to the party wearing their minion t-shirts, which was nice. Clearly this year's choice was the best yet as everybody was asking for them long after we ran out.

Like moths to the flame

Sunday Day

We arrived late to the Sunday game, hungover as expected and thinking that the game would start on Portuguese time. In fact, and breaking all records, it started on time.

The game conditions were was brutal. Objectives were taken well, and apart from a quick break for an injury, it was an all day game. We're not sure if we totally won, but it was a good scrap. It was definitely a little hot for us pasty brits, with camel backs being constantly refilled and plenty of water getting rinsed through!

The main event Paintugal is the 4 hour raffle which always goes on longer than the game itself. This year was no different. Going going on well into the night. There are rumours that the presentation is still technically happening.

Universal Exports won our turning-up award for the 5th year in row. We are now 5 year unbeaten champions at turning-up, which is more than can be said for many others.

Paintugal 2016

Sunday evening

By Sunday night it was home for beer and grub. However, tragedy struck! Normally Portugal is quite cheap place to visit, but for the first time ever in Portugal we got ripped off by a local trader! We basically ordered some pizza and it turned out the price of each pizza would pay off Portugal's national debt.

Oh well first time for everything I suppose it put a bit of downer on an otherwise excellent weekend.

We then finished off the weekend with a leisurely drive down to Lisbon for our flight home and then tea and medals.

Roll on 2017!

UE (In the pub as usual) Paintugal 2016