Citadel Writeup

Citadel 2016 Event Writeup

Event info:

  • 20th - 21st May 2016
  • Givet Adventure, Rue du CEC, 1
  • Players: Rocket, Ricktion, Corky, Juice, Hamster
  • Hangers on: Lima Bravo
  • Result: Victory, Defeat, Draw, Victory and Victory!


We left early on Friday morning, catching a midday tunnel crossing which was literally Brexit in action. Much like World War 2, this was followed by a leisurely drive thought the beautiful French and Belgian countryside. We arrived at our accommodation - a camping lodge in an idyllic setting, only to be ruined by the presence of the some noisy Dutch campers.

We helped the situation by drinking heavily with them and talking about the war.

Saturday Day

I should point out; we were planning to play alongside Lima Bravo. However in an all too familiar admin error we were on different sides. Boo!

We left the campsite early but on arriving at the picturesque town of Givet we decided to stop for brunch. This was fine for most of us except Lewis the hamster who refused to eat anything foreign, finally compromising enough accept a ham and cheese toastie.

We pointed out this cheese toastie was called a Croque Monsieur and was 'traditional' French food. The hamster refused to accept this, stating that 'ham and cheese was invented in Bolton, like Peter Kay and child exploitation in the textile industry'.

We finally arrived at the site around lunch time and got playing around 12:30. The Citadel is a 17th Century castle with huge grounds and many structures within its walls, including a small CQB style town! It is well established and is regularly used as a paintball site, with many different types of terrain from full urban with underground tunnels to old school woodsball.

Givet village and the Citadel

The first game we teamed up with the Germans and played the 'Maze' field; literally a maze in field with 6 foot high wooden walls to pen you in. With German efficiency and some UK stag-do bravado approach we quickly won the game. The next game was in the village area, full urban game with 3 teams, it was a little overcrowded and not much fun as you got shot at pretty much as soon as you stepped out of the safe zone. Aggressive play helped a bit but the pain level when to 11 as we took a heavy loss.

Saturday Night

Following the Croque Monsieur carry-on, we decided to truly immerse ourselves into the delicacies of French cuisine, finding a local curry house with an owner who spoke a proper language. 3 of them actually... ironic considering the average paintballer can't even get a GCSE in his mother tongue.

After a few too many rowdy beers and dirty looks from local surrender monkeys we went back to the campsite to drink beer with Dutch people.


I awoke to find I had been attacked in the night by booze pixies. They had, amongst other things:

  1. Beat me up so I was covered in bruises that I had no idea where they came from
  2. Nicked £20 out of my wallet and stolen my phone
  3. Ripped my jeans an took a shit down my throat
  4. Sent homoerotic texts to my old teachers

In summary - a good night! Add to this a lung stripping post-curry shit in the team cabin, and I was set for the day! After several cups of coffee and waffle we were ready to get out of bed and think about heading to site to play some of that paintball stuff that everyone keeps talking about.

In the morning we played in the village again, however with far fewer players it was about 10 times better. The game had no real front line and players able to make progress in nearly every direction. This was an end-to-end battle with brutal CQB - but in a good way. It was an excellent morning's play that ended in a draw.

Hungover CQB = Pain

After a rain lunch break we played one of the woods ball fields at the edge of the site, Germany and England vs the rest of the World. Predictably Lima bravo kicked our ass, until they realised the admin error of fighting against UE. They became so disgusted with themselves that they left the field for a 'cigarette' and a wheel of cheese.

After this, the numbers swang back in our favour and we promptly won the game. Most of the players left for the safe zone, however we stayed in the field. We pooled our leftover paint and air so we could continue to play for the last few minutes. After a quick discussion with the marshal we arranged a game and played some of the local players in a 4v4 on the 'wild west arena'.

This was actually quite a fun game, initially the locals has a massive advantage as they had site knowledge but as the game went on we learnt the map we eventually started to dominate and then take a win. We then finished the day by using the last of our smoke grenades in the now-less-than-safe area, with the marshals having a good laugh smoking people out of their cars.

We said goodbye to new and old friends, then made the mad dash to Calais, catching the tunnel back. We were home in time for tiffin!

Great weekend, great site, great game. Citadel rules!

Job done : Time to Brexit