Equilibrium II

Paintugal 2015 Event Writeup

Event info:

  • 19th March 2016
  • Urban Paintball, Longmoor Training Camp, Longmoor, Hampshire, GU33 6EL
  • Players: Ricktion, Ricktion, Hammertime, Mr P, Corky, Jacko, Juice, Fembo, Mrs Fembo
  • Hangers on: Lewis
  • Result: Defeat

The Event

The Urban Games are usually a solid affair, and Equilibrium 2 was the cunningly named sequel to Equilibrium. Played at Longmoor Army camp, this isn't too far away from London so we were able to bring a reasonable sized team. It's a military training ground, complete with built up village, roads, train tracks and assorted military vehicles strewn around the battlefield. This makes for a great location and plenty of smug safe-zone photo mincing.

Normally, UE have played with soap/razer dodger Coalthief. In between Coalthief's established technique of standing around stroking his beard and UE's heavy reliance on technology, shouting, and low skill manoeuvres, the last few scenarios had been completely one sided. In an attempt to mix things up we were moved to the opposition in order to give a real/fair challenge.

Ironically, as the least organised person in paintball, I was asked to be general for the Grammaton Faction. I prepared the only way I knew how: by writing naughty words on the internet and drinking too much the night before.


As usual, there were some comedy access issues with the site. Longmoor is an army base, so escorts are required. Despite being at the escort location around 8:40am, we were not even picked up until after 9:10, and a fair rush to be ready to play ensued.

This is my only gripe about the location. The whole thing was pretty well organised, but there needs to be more access help . A few facebook pictures of meet here without any real times got more than a few people confused. Still, we got there, so there was no huge harm was done.

The game set up was of two factions (Grammaton and Resistance), as well as a neutral/mercenary team who were available for hire throughout the day. Their objectives were to slow or impeded the forces as they approached their objectives. Grammaton/Resistance scored in a usual flag holding style, with the possibility of extra points if you were able to hold it with a team's bomb.

The initial fights were well fought, however Resistance seemed a little more organised, and despite some good work by securing their bomb all morning, we went in to lunch 2-1 down.

I made a point of rallying the team, however on a lunch break count, it turns out we were hugely outnumbered. I struggled to count 30 active blues (Grammaton), with likely 100 active reds. Allegedly there was a whole blue team who despite being there, didn't go out all morning.

After lunch, a change was needed. I decided to use 'objective skipping' tactics, and that combined with some of the blue teams rallying and communicating much better meant that the afternoon was a much better fight.

However, as the day wore on, numbers wore thin again and the advantage moved to Resistance once more. This was a shame, as some of the teams really worked hard during the first hours of the afternoon.

Saturday Evening

Instead of the usual Premier Inn, we were staying at a local hotel. This meant that a proper restaurant and pub was available. The Rugby was also on TV, meaning that this was a cracking old man's night in.

UE ate hard, drank hard, and talked an extremely large amount of bollocks well into the night. Thanks to Hammertime, Ricktion and Jacko, UE has received multiple complaints from Bhuddists. Apparently they put the world to rights with such efficiency that several cycles of the afterlife have also been put to right, rendering the next 4 re-incarnation events literally useless.

Ghandi issued a statement from beyond the grave, explaining that Ricktion was undermining the fabric of an entire belief system. The Dalai Lama simply expressed a desire to punch Hammertime right on his Welsh face.

It's about to kick off

This is not the first time a member of UE has been threatened with violence by an ardent pacifist. In 2014, Crunch was knocked out by Mother Teresa.


Despite turning up in good time, there were more convoy shenanigans and UE arrived around 9:15 again. Having had a chat with Gareth, some players were swapped over and the numbers started to seem more equal. Also, the strategy of holding back until the Mercs could be used tactically also seemed to work.

Blue stormed the field, taking the next two objectives and double scoring both. There were hard won firefights, and some great tactical play from all concerned.. However, once again actual tactics (not unlike Rocket's Tactically Tactical Tactics) were used and the whole first session was a resounding victory for Grammaton, with us double scoring almost all points possible.

Lunchtime came and went, and while Resistance were ahead, all was to play for.

After lunch some hard fighting, as well as Merc usage meant that several objectives were secured. The resistance came out fighting hard and pushed us at all times. This was classic paintball, with both sides being aggressive, inventive and going for objectives well. Things were lining up well, and there was a possibility we could win by the closest of margins.

However, the Grammaton Tactics I planned on using relied on actually having a team for the second half of the session.

While defending the third objective, respawns started to dry up and players started to disappear. Many of those simply didn't stick around to see the end of the game, which ruined the last session. A few teams stuck it out and showed real bravery and actual skill, with particularly hard fighting required to flush us out of the last objectives.

With our numbers down to less than 30, there was no way to get close to the final objectives. We held a line, but as the numbers dwindled to 20… then to 10, we were simply shooting gas and paint for the sake of it.

Marty joins the Grammaton

The final scores were around 300 points to around 600. A fair score as they they won convincingly. Hats off to Coalthief who led well, but I feel a disappointed; a huge amount of that was due to people not being there. When the sides were equal and numbers were fair it was awesome and could have gone either way.

This was a real shame. Of the diehards who were there the whole time, there was a great effort, and huge high fives (with bum pinches/reach-arounds) go to Vanguards/Dragons (Merc Factions), Brotherhood (who swapped sides), ... and the swirly symbol guys (Vikings?), as well the other hanger-ons who stuck it out.

As usual, thanks to Gareth who put on a the event!

A good game, shame as it could have been great!