Paintugal Writeup

Paintugal 2015 Event Writeup

Event info:

  • 26th-27th September 2015
  • Miranda do Corvo, Portugal
  • Players: Rocket, Ricktion, Hammertime, Mr P, Jacko
  • Hangers on: Silent BOB + Wag, Wanked PB, Anal Intentions, Limp Bumsex, Groupamigos/Some Spanish teams
  • Result: Victory, followed by regret in Portugal's biggest gay club


Ricktion set off the week before to take all our kit, doing the long drive from Sheffield to Portugal for the second time. He stopped off and bothered assorted French family and locals on the way down, but critically got all the equipment through customs without accidentally ending up in a migrant camp.

The rest of the team caught a flight out of Stansted on Friday night. The rest of the airport was rowdy, with stag and hen doo groups, so we fitted right in. One of us has even had sex, and most of us have spoken to a woman before.

We arrived quite late Friday to find that the rest of the foreign teams had been there most of the day on the beer. It looked a pretty good session, so next time I think we shall leave earlier on the Friday to get in on the action.

Site site was, as usual, in proper rural Portugal. It was a beautiful place, the locals were really friendly, and the beer is less than 1 euro each!

UE Advanced Recon Mission : Get drunk at the pool

Saturday Game - Portugal Versus

Saturday was the now familiar Portugal VS the Rest of the World. Our very own master of public relations and back street terminations, Ricktion, was the general. After a shaky start we managed to take the entire field and pin them in their base, some members of lima bravo managed to get into their base.

The game ended up being total domination.

Saturday Night - Portuguese Booze Supply Chain Versus

Saturday night started relatively slow in a restaurant, with the usual surprise from the locals at how much foreigners drink. An initial lack of waiters ended up with a Rommel style supply chain issue with drinking. This was a real desert fight for liver destruction.

However, as the booze supply steadied, meals were finished and we slowly spread out on the street. We were then moved into the night club next door, which was one of the most surreal experiences in paintball.

With trepidation UE made our way downstairs past a security guard who looked like Neo, but with a lot more experience bending the rules of Warhammer and onion farming than the matrix. A room full of loud and proud music greeted us; there was 98% male attendance, and people not selling pints of beer? Concerned? Don't be... It's legal now bro.

A lot of beer was drunk, people danced shamefully and pretended it didn't happen. But we know. We remember. We will never forget.

UE Main Mission : Get drunk in bars

Sunday Game

The terrain was hard going with step hills and thick vegetation and blistering heat! Despite being similar conditions to the day before, the added issue of hangovers mixed with the portuguese starting on time for the first time in recorded history meant that most of us melted in the heat. We could not play for long durations, but some action was had.

To be fair we did not come for paintball we came for the now famous Portuguese hospitality.

As usual, the epic 25 minute game was followed by a 3 hour raffle and presentation where we achieved our traditional 'Thanks for turning up award'. This means that we can say with less and less irony that we are an award winning paintball team.

UE Final Mission : Mince about in the safe zone


Monday was a relaxing drive to Porto and a flight home to round of a great weekend that still cost less than playing paintball in a prison! Including the flight! Thanks to Portugal, the Paintugal team, the others who chipped in - Andre and his team etc.

A great event. See you next year!

Miranda do Corvo