Shocking revelations have been revealed that have shocked Universal Exports into a shocked state of shock.
Following recent events at the Marines versus Predators game, it has been theorised that Ricktion has been replaced with some form of robot or cyborg. Suspicions were first aroused when he started to act out character. Initially this started with simply turning up on time, but later on progressed to having working kit and moderate to medium levels of fitness.
Theories as to this have been floating around the assorted paintball forums; all of whom are definitely credible and not at all a shitfight of mentally deficient monkeys . The current working theory is that Lenny Henry and The Glorious Leader of BEST KOREA were dishing out punitive punishments for contractual infractions, as well as attempting to win paintball credibility.
Due to entirely predictable levels of disorganisation, Universal Exports were unable to get a last minute booking at the BEST KOREAN endorsed Premier Inn, settling instead for Holiday Inn. This enraged our glorious leader Kim Jong Un, who diverted valuable resources from the rescue mission for Lenny Henry.
Over the last years of his orbital satellite exile, Lenny Henry has worked his way through every single film and box set created. This binge has included classics such as Terminator and Battlestar Galactica, but has also included lower standard items such as Weird Science and Titanic 2.
Inspired by this Lenny Henry and Our Glorious Leader decided that following this first break of contract, a random member of UE should be "dissapeared". However, it was actually North Korean enthusiast and secret communist party member Compo, from Last of the Summer Wine, who suggested that they be replaced with cybernetic organisms. This is amazing considering he has been dead for a number of years.
Using an technique invented and pioneered by BEST KOREA's Glorious Leader, a dice roll, Ricktion was chosen to be replaced.
UE-KI-LEAKS reporter, Malcom Thrust Nunn got an exclusive interview with Compo.
It was surprisingly easy - we didn't even need to capture him, we just gave him a free copy of the World
of Warcraft expansion and a massive bowl of chips. He's not even seen sunlight in 5 weeks., Compo
chuckled as he flew past in a bathtub on wheels down a hill.
The plan has fallen down at its early stages though. The Republic of BEST KOREA has unfortunately delivered a cyborg adheres to Riction's constant bullshit about how great he is. By basing it on Ricktion's self-belief, rather than actual performance, they have heavily missed the mark.
Initially this deeply confused players and team mates alike at the Marines Vs Predators game. However, their suspicions were further increased when his behaviour further diverged from norms. He played a full day of paintball without requiring to 'borrow' (keep forever without replacing) a 9V battery, he had enough money to buy his own lunch, and he was seen with girls who appeared to enjoy his conversation.
The final straw came mid game during a rain shower when sparks radiated out from his eyes, he stood bolt
upright, and ran around shouting
DANGER, WILL ROBINSON flailing paint pots madly.
UE are unsure whether or not to contact the real Ricktion, as the new robot seemed to be moderately effective on the battlefield.