Shoreline announce new game format for 2015

Happy with his new role

Following the ousting of Tim Barnet during a management restructure, Shoreline have told the world's press they have recruited a new front man - Craig Charles.

Crack addict Charles is more allied to goals and aspirations of the Shoreline Corporation. Mr Barnet's mild mannered management style and easy going customer relations are no longer going to be associated with Shoreline Corp as they pursue a daily push to become more and more toward world domination in 2015. It is hoped that Craig Charles style of loud mouth scouser mockery, mixed with his no doubt impending operation Yewtree action will attract more customers to the Shoreline Corp games. Shoreline have done their research well - laughing at foreigners is clearly a major relationship builder for big game players.

Already Shoreline CORP are working on the next scenario big game that is to be based on Takeshi's Castle.

In a bit to attract more hard-core players to the uber safe game of scenario paintball the next big thing will be to have games in the style of Takeshi's Castle. Takeshi's Castle, which leaves most participants with at the least, skull fractures and permanent spinal damage, will be included alongside more light-heartedly insane games where paintballers dress as giant blueberries.

Gone are the days of capture the flag or team 'annihilation'; this new style is set to take the sport by storm. A particular favourite is the one-man-gauntlet where the player only has 7 rounds in a TPX pistol has to negotiate a maze were the opposing force hides behind various doors with a fully primed GEO3.

Another proposed format is: 'Bridge Runner'. The player must run across an oiled bridge with no handrails and sheer drops. Only a testicular shot counts as a kill - even if the player has his hand in the air and is begging for mercy.

Right in the balls