The foreign hordes of the Joint Nations Task Force (JNTFor) were partially victorious over the UK Combined Forces (UKCF) in the North Versus South; UK Versus scenario game. However: the story is not what it seems...
The original plan, as leaked online, was to launch the Paint Based Weapon of the Portuguese apocalypse, code name Brown Eye. After months of preparation and testing, sadly - last minute tragedy struck.
The Democratic Republic of BEST KOREA suffered a truly terrible administrative error and instead of Firing Brown Eye, they accidentally launched Lenny Henry instead of the Primary Warhead. He is currently in a stable and safe geocentric orbit, and is attempting to dock with the ISS. Unfortunately has been refused entry, with the Russian's responding that as he has already done far too many impressions of his Gran on restricted frequencies.
In a bizarre twist of fate, Premier Inn are contractually obliged to rescue him, and to that end they have begun constructing the Starship Premier-InnTerprise. It is said to be the most economical ship in the fleet, with plenty of clean towels and enough wall insulation to ensure that any passengers can truly smash their secretaries back doors in with no one else hearing.
An enquiry has already begun, but to Mr Henry's (right hand) relief, Becca and Lisa from Hollyoaks have been recommissioned following a thoroughly exceptional display of milk-engineering assets. Joining them will be Louise also from Holyoaks, who Kim Jong Un insisted on following a thorough back door interview.
Tippmann's ever helpful mechanics are currently
working hard with rest of the new engineering crew,
and said they would move to action fixes to the production process. However, they stressed that they would
would be out in just a minute and that we should in no way alert their current wives/girlfriends
to any of the developments.