Women in the military: New member for UE!

Women in the military: New member for UE

Following the recent ruling by the USA to allow girls to be on the front line, Universal Exports has decided to jump on the PC band wagon and recruit some girls.

After a long hiatus, Miss Piggy has decided to start her come back to limelight through the medium of scenario paintball. Miss Piggy is no stranger to violence, and has been involved with a vicious divorce from Gonzo for years. She has survived numerous attempts on her life from the curly-nosed alien, as well as personally picking up several convictions for GBH and ABH following various disputes about Kermit; this bovine aggression mixed with her dubious past has her fitting in well with the UE mantra.

Miss Piggy was originally married to Gonzo, as many know. Her and Kermit the Frog had a love affair, holding a late-night adult show on Pay-Per-View entitled "Love Swamp." Some dubious safety practices meant that Miss Piggy gave birth to Yoda shortly thereafter. Gonzo found out about it and and was furious. He refused to support the child. Unfortunately, due to legal complications the CSA do not have juristiction over frogs or hook nosed aliens, and thus Kermit was not able to be forced to pay child support.

One night when Miss Piggy and Kermit were getting it on, Gonzo charged in with an axe and tried to kill Kermit. In a scene reminicent of Gredo/Solo from Star Wars, Piggy shot Gonzo, unfortunately leaving him paralyzed from the cock down for some months. This affected Kermit deeply, who has called off all affair activity and has completely cut her off. Since then Gonzo has been trying to assassinate the actress, mad from droopy-cock rage.

Miss Piggy then went through a bisexual streak, dating fellow famous puppet Angelina Jolie whom she met on the set of Star Wars. Piggy eventually moved to Canada with Jolie, but the relationship was tricky as she struggled to come to terms with Jolie's facial disabilities (she cannot stop pouting like a raped trout). In November 2007, Angelina Jolie was diagnosed with lip cancer, but just to be sure had to undergo a double mastectomy. Following this operation and on the insistence of Piggy, she had comedy replacement fake bangers installed. Jolie's subsequent films had to CGI these massive wobblers back down to a reasonable size which is a long and expensive process. Having seen them in real life, directors simply commented that it was a dead heat in the Zepplin race. This strengthened the love between Miss Piggy and Jolie causing them to fly to Massachusetts and get married in Martha's Vineyard. They are still married today.

Kermit the Frog declined to comment about his days with Miss Piggy, but off the record he is known to have said that he ... prays that some shithole would fry that fucking ham someday....

Piggy is completely batshit mad, and thus will fit into UE perfectly.