Paintugal Review (of sorts)

New South Somerset

Universal Exports has completed the next phase in 'Operation : Avert Midlife Crisis by Shooting Foreigners'. Paintugal was simply a front for a full blown invasion force, and Portugal is now under United Kingdom control.

It is now known as New South Somerset.

Paintugal was a great weekend: well organised, good mannered, and brutally hot for us pasty British. The hospitality was awesome, with plenty of beer, banter and enough meat to feed even the hungriest vegetarian.

Universal Exports has now taken the logical step to do weekend paintballing abroad permanently, like some kind of middle-class, middle-aged gypsy bridgade. This isn't a joke! Think about it - would you prefer to be stuck in Ikea, resentfully forced to buy fucking throw cushions? I mean why? What's the fucking point. They're like uncomfortable cushions with no use. The ONE thing about cushions is that they are comfortable. And the other ONE thing is that they have a use. Neither of these ONE points is true of throw cushions!

Anyways. Back to Portugal.

The event was effectively a not for much profit at all, and UE had a rare moment of ethics and donated a decent kitty to the local Girl Scouts for whatever it is they do. It was a pretty big donation too, like €70 or something. Ironically, you could easily spend that on cushions to make your front room less welcoming, and also waste 5 hours doing it. But UE didn't; we manned up and gave it to charity. In your face Sweden! Stick that in your Volvo.

Not that it matters.

Once again - many thanks to the Paintugal crew and the local teams. Mainly for letting the British Expeditionary Force pummel you so hard on your own turf. The word turf is used only figuratively. New South Somerset is an arid country with little turfed grass. It seems to be made of olive trees and beautiful hills. Kind of like a southern Norway or Sweden. Yes... like Sweden, except that they're not stealing your life every weekend buying shit furniture that you don't need.

I'm over it. That time is gone... it's never coming back man...

New South Somerset