Prince Harry Joins Universal Exports for second tour of east midlands.
Prince harry has been posted to UE instead of Afghanistan as the rest of the army were feeling left out of the Taleban threats. A Taleban statement saying they would like to kill Prince Harry was met with an explanatory Venn diagram showing the intersecting circles 'Prince Harry', 'is in the army' and 'Taleban wants them dead'.
Field Marshal Denys Finch Hatton said:
I'm slightly disappointed to hear that they have possibly been
avoiding hurting Harry up until this point, as that seems rather unfair on the rest of the chaps if
If they're going to start issuing separate threats to every one of our troops then they're not going to
have time to take potshots at us from ditches because frankly there are sodding thousands of us. I was
decided that in today's modern equal opportunities army and in keeping with the politically correctness
of modern spin doctury that Harry should do something a bit more obscure. Since only 0.0001% of the UK
population are remotely bothered about paintball it seemed a perfect fit.
The Taleban always shout after they've shot at us, which I took to be a form of war cry, but
I'm beginning to think they're letting us know who they were aiming at.
Harry himself will be training with UE and playing a game of strip Monopoly somewhere in Cambridge.
Greg Wallace from TV's Masterchef failed the entrance exam for UE, saying that football was much more inclusive and less about testosterone and less racist than paintball, so was transferred to Afghanistan to take Harry's place. It's thought he could be used as a human shield as he's so fat. Let's see how tough the cooking is when under enemy fire. Taleban chiefs are known to enjoy the BBC cookery series Masterchef, and there is early speculation that the war could be over by Christmas.