Armogeddon X Writeup

Armogeddon 2016 Event Writeup

Event info:

  • 7th February 2016
  • YPC, Escrick Park Estate, Skipwith, York, YO8 5SW
  • Players: Rocket, Ricktion, Mr P, Corky
  • Hangers on: Lewis
  • Result: Victory/Defeat. We were on both sides like the sellouts we are.

Main Event

This is the traditional season opener, hosted at the great YPC - a site that is as old as time itself. It is well-established, with great facilities. Most mind-blowing of all for a paintball site, it has more than one toilet!

For 10 years Armogeddon has set the bar on how to run a scenario event, and this year was no different. For those who have never been, it's a medium/small sized venue, perfect for the few hundred players that turned up. The game uses multiple spawn points, meaning a very fluid game, with the field changing hands on a regular basis... or at least normally.

First thing is first, I will admit that I was late to the kick off. The game had been running for 30mins before I even arrived on site and I still had to sort out my kit, get paint and generally mince about! Why was I late? Well, I spent the evening in a casino with a 94 year old great-great grandmother till 4 in the morning.

This is fact, and I definitely didn't oversleep. Also I definitely didn't spend the night drinking brasso and crying into my keyboard looking at pictures of Susanna Reid.

A good night in

The rest of UE had turned up on time and were already in the field fighting for the Evil team. By some fast and organised work, they had command of the entire field, pinning the other (Good) team into their base.

This was a bit of a weird situation. To escape, all the enemy had to do was walk past us and re-spawn at one of the many infield spawn points behind our line. While it was fun for a few minutes, the Good team seemed to have no impetus or leaders on the field, and so to be honest it quickly became a bit boring.

UE had a conflab with the organisers and volunteered to change teams. The intensity instantly ramped up, and straight away we were stuck into hard fighting.

We then got players to follow us through to the re-spawn in the field and were able to launch a credible assault. Through UE's tried and tested method of shouting at players until they grow a set, we managed to take some to the objectives and broke up the enemy core defensive lines. The game now was much more dynamic, and on more than one occasion we had the entire field in our hands, even taking the mighty bridge which dominates the YPC site.

The rest of the day was a much more enjoyable affair with gun fights all over the field, and rather than having one solid front line, it ended up with tactical skirmishes around key points. As players joined and left the action, nothing remained stable and each side could get the upper hand somewhere on the field.

Game Finale

The finale of Armageddon is always worth the wait.

In what is basically a test of manhood, all players are put on the bridge, given infinite lives (i.e. you are immortal) then bridge is rigged with explosives. On 'go', everyone shoots each other until they are deaf/blind/on fire/really dead/final whistle blows.

In Shoreline tradition, the bridge was accidentally set on fire.

Only the hardiest of men and best of players will actually get involved, so as you might expect, UE just watched from a safe distance. After several cardiac arrests, ear splitting explosions, and several fires the game was over with a convincing win for the evil side. Great game, great day... see you next year!

Nothing to see here

Shoreline controversy - Event overshadowed

Unlike normal Shoreline controversy, this one is actually real.

UE's Spokeperson for Dyslexia and fridge magnets, Rocket commented:

We at UE are very upset by Tim Barnet's quite frankly evil comments about us. 'Libel' and 'Slander' are both words that we have a low level understanding of, and we intend to press charges unless we get a full withdrawal of the comments during the debrief from Mr Barnet.

We have it on tape what you said. There is no getting out of it this time.

Comments such as 'They were a good team that worked well together', and 'My best team of the day are Universal Exports' are not acceptable in modern paintball.

Unless Mr Barnet admits to fabricating these misleading comments, he will be hearing from our lawyer, Admiral Ackbar, Mr P added.

UE are proud to be mediocre and we plan to stay that way; Barnet's vulgar comments are not helping the paintball community, and only exacerbate the ongoing migrant crisis, said UE's Head Internet Truthseeker, Ricktion.

...and global warming, added Corky.

It's a lawsuit!

Armogeddon 2016 UE are Team of the Day