North Versus South Writeup
- 30th April - 3rd May 2015
- Swynnerton Training Camp, Cold Meece, Stone, Staffordshire ST15 0QN, United Kingdom
- Players: Rocket, Ricktion, Hammertime, Mr P, Corky, Crunch, Primate, Mrs Fembo, Fembo, Juice, Popeye, Jacko, Justin
- Teams: Blackout, JNTFor, South
- Result: n/a, Partial Victory, Loss
Due to the now entirely regular event of major admin errors, UE was given the job of general for the NvS big game. It is a strange irony we lead the south team, even though half the team are form the north of England, but let's gloss over that!
Initially the UE team were a little shocked and perplexed. Why would a team such as ours be chosen? Our main operating tactics are complaining on the internet and writing letters to our MP.
After an in-depth investigation we found out that Warped had asked everyone else. Following the a rejection by Girlguiding Cornwall , they realised they had no choice but to ask the professional life-wasters UE to take the role. However, this was not as bad as you might think; most of the team are on the dole, or can arrange day release from prison. UE have lots of time to plan the days' drinking... sorry I mean tactics.
Friday – Night game
Several of UE played the Evasion Game, and thanks to several generous reach-around events, Jay from Horizontal Intentions gave us spaces on the Blackout Hunting Club side.
Blackout Hunting Club is the closest thing that can be achieved in paintball to a true special forces deployment. A close nit group of well organised players are bundled in the back of a military transport and dropped in the middle of a warzone. Just a very quiet one.
Oh. And sit in a ditch for 2 hours 45 minutes without moving... possibly shitting yourself to maintain a covert cover.
However, as is always the case.. the last 30-45 mins is some high adrenaline firefights and messing with people's head. Setting ambushes is always fun, but add the tense atmosphere of low light and cold and you have a fairly unique experience.
As always, thanks to Jay from Horizontal Emissions.
Saturday - UK Versus
Most of our player then got involved in the now regular 'sell out' game of UK versus. UE switch sides, and for the small price of a few stroopwaffels, pasteis de nata and some mjod, they become elements of the 'versus' team.
If you like hard, physical games, this is possibly the best game in the calendar. UK Versus typically ends up with 5-10 organised foreign teams (and a few UK, such as us), versus a less organised but much larger UK force. Jim, speaking from his new batter skin, pointed out:
I just stick all the teams that give it 'all the talk' together and let them prove it...
It is a capture/hold situation, with extra points being available at various points of the day. Typically the numbers are in the region of 150-250 'versus' players, with between 300-600 UK players.
Fighting is hard, fast, and despite attempts organisation – the game is so fluid that it is hard to stick to any plans. Small team leadership and individual playing actually matter. Around 5 hours of brutal fighting were had, with very little chance to break or let up.
A personal favourite moment was the liberating of the peninsula – CEP, UE and a few members of Lima Bravo all coming together to slowly grind the enemy back over an hour... finally gaining control of the flank to allow a final push. Rejoining the main force opened the floodgates on the enemy and really changed the tide.
As usual, the party was great fun. There was lots of beer, and men telling 'war stories' in a definitely not homo-erotic way.
The UE old men retired to a hotel and pretended it wasn't because they had one foot in the grave. The old men in denial stayed onsite and endured a sausage fest of a party. Who wins, you wonder...
The answer is that in paintball no one wins.
The game was based on the simple premise of capture and hold. You could score/boost your points by holding the key components of scientist, serum & plasma. We decided early that if you are going to win at NvS you have to do it before lunch time as after that the entire south team has to leave.
Not because they are fairies, but it's exactly the same drive home as for the northerners, but they have jobs to go. This is unlike the north, who I assume just spent all day claiming benefits, eating pies and making babies.
Actually that sounds quite good... why am stuck in the south doing a shitty job with a massive mortgage on a house I hate in crappy area of town. I could just move to north and be happy, but enough about me.
We decided to get as many of the key components early and leave the lion's share of the game zone to the opposition. When the spawn points switch the aim was to have the advantage. We would get a lot more points at the same time as we would have all the key components.
This worked well and by 1pm we have twice the score of the north. The north were roaming around the centre of the map but only scoring minimum points for a long time. While we had only 1 or 2 objectives, we scored 3 times the points in the same time. So far, so effective...
Lunch came and a serious portion of our team simply stopped playing and went home. I was on the crossroads at the exit game at 2pm and saw a steady stream of South players leaving. Throughout the second half of the day we were outnumbered, at times up to 4 to 1.
This only got worse as the remaining player became disheartened and also left. By 4 pm and game end there was may be 200 south players left.
From a leadership point of view; if you take out the bonus for the last object we were only 50 points behind so I don't feel too bad. Tactically we won convincingly for a good portion of the day and were only let down by the lack of numbers after 2pm.
Shame on you southerners, with your good jobs, better life expectancy, better living standard and double glazing, I hope you rot in a really well-funded care home!