Paintball for kids

Crying. Like you do when you get shot.

Paintball is a sport that can show kids the true value of bad losing, fostering resentment, cowardice and enrich them with a massively extended swearing vocabulary.

This makes it at least as good as computer games. It also only trails football in terms of development due to the lack of diverse people for them to abuse.

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By Internal Examination. 07/02/2014 - 11:43 PM

Unexpected side effects of the Fucks Given-o-Meter investigated by OFFPAINT

A new persona is created

Excessive use of the fucks given-o-meter within Universal Exports training has caused apparent changes in personality by several of the team.

These troubled paintballers have developed a kind of schizophrenia, creating ridiculous new personas, and with this trend spreading OFFPAINT have been forced to intervene.

Read more: Unexpected side effects of the Fucks Given-o-Meter investigated by OFFPAINT

By Dusty Shitbox Esq.. 27/01/2014 - 11:28 PM

UE players to be tested for soul with Fucks Given-o-Meter

The emptyness in your soul will overwhelm all

Against all odds, and like the rash you ignore but won't go away without a crushing visit to Genito-Urinary medicine, UE have grown in size to become a powerful member of the Paintball community.

Don't worry we still hate you all. We hate you like Jimmy Carr hates paying tax.

Read more: UE players to be tested for soul with Fucks Given-o-Meter

By New Year's Hangover. 06/01/2014 - 11:10 PM

First Project Falafel Report Now In - UE-KI-LEAKS exclusive

Report in | It's fact-o-geddon

UE-KI-LEAKS have obtained the first official publication from the Falafel Project.

The Falafel Project has finally come back with results that accurately make accurate predictions about the accurate state of a paintballers mind - with stunning accurately

Read more: First Project Falafel Report Now In - UE-KI-LEAKS exclusive

By P for Pendetta. 19/10/2013 - 09:33 PM