80's Contrololololversy!

Generic Paintball Event

Paintballers are fucking idiots

...says investment entrepreneur Noel Edmonds, from his office in Crinkley bottom.

Horrendous bell-end, Edmonds, today revealed his current money making scheme: 80's themed Paintball sites.

We all know paintballers are a can short a six pack. Well, 6 short to be honest. I had the idea for 80's themed paintballing when I saw those hipster fashion retards wearing my lensless Raybans. Yes. You read that right. I can charge kids £80 for glasses AND NOT ACTUALLY MAKE THE EXPENSIVE BIT, he beltched between cigar puffs.

...so check this: I change the Disturbed and Linkin Park on the Tannoy to Duran Duran and Suzy Quatro. I sell half penny sweets... for a quid. Then I make everyone use splat masters and charge £10 for 20 shots, and make a conscious effort to avoid health safety as well as flouting all post 1990 UK European Consumer rights.

For some reason, those guys love it, he added.

I dont have to CRB any of the Marshals. There's a queue of really friendly geography teachers just waiting to help out with the kids' parties. And just like in the 80's... if they forget their kit: it's y-fronts.

Next week we're having a Scenario Game based around the sinking of the Belgrano. Who'd of thought celebrating the dubious killing of over three hundred people would be such a fun theme. But apparently it is.

I was gonna do a Srebrenitsa Massacre themed date, but it's too late. And for some reason it's a bit insensitive. Killing Argies is OK tho. They're not European. Or German. That's a serious point by the way. How many borderline racist anti-German games are there?

Those people are fucking mental. I'm glad I'm exploiting them.

It's all his now